Q: Dear Simply Sonsie,
I’ve been dating a new guy, 28 (I’m 32) for the past 6 months. He is a stripper. He was NOT in this industry when I met him. He repeatedly assures me of how professional he is in the workplace and promises he is always faithful to me. Recently I surprised him at work and caught him making out with a customer. Although he had had a few drinks and it didn’t mean anything to him (supposedly), I just can’t get past it. Is it right for me to ask him to quit his job for the sake of our new relationship? Or do I just let him go being that it’s so new? I really do like him and see a future with him, other than his current career choice. He swears nothing like this will ever happen again. But being in that industry– I’m no dummy. What should I do??
In lust and confused
A: Dear In Lust and Confused-
If you’ve been dating this guy for 6 months and he’s already changed careers at least once, I immediately wonder how stable he is. Stability is something we women usually seek in men and if he can’t provide that, I wonder what type of a boyfriend he makes. Also, if he wasn’t in this career when you first started dating, what prompted him to go into this type of work? Did he discuss it with you initially or how did it come up? I don’t think the job itself is the major issue in this scenario. There are a couple issues in play. The fact that he needs to repeatedly reassure you of his behavior and you showing up at his work as a surprise indicates to me that there are existing trust issues in the relationship or within one, or both of you, individually. If you feel that the issue/s within your relationship is more oriented toward trust, I would suggest you both seek counseling individually. One, or both of you, might need to focus on healing yourselves before you can be in a relationship. This doesn’t mean something is ‘wrong’ with either one of you, this means that there could be existing issues that are standing in the way of your happiness. No matter how you feel about this person, your happiness supersedes. You deserve to be happy! Make a list of important qualities (top 5) you seek in a partner and see if this person qualifies. Remember that you have not been with this person for an extended time and your heart will heal if you choose to walk away. Also, there are people out there that will qualify in all of the areas you desire to have in a partner. Don’t be afraid of the new and unknown. Sometimes it is worth the struggle to really find what we want in life and be happy! Take a chance on yourself.
with ALL YOUR CRAZY questions!