Why Aren’t You Happy For Me? 

By CoKane

Why aren’t you happy for me?
  

 When someone accomplishes a goal or task that they’ve planned and put into action for quite some time, it should make everyone who knows this person personally extremely happy and excited. We all know how hard it is to achieve any goal. We all know how many late nights, early mornings, tears, upsets, and ‘NO’ one must endure before the big bow breaks. So why do some folks seem jealous when someone else makes it out? It’s the total opposite of the happy emotion that the achiever would expect once he divulges that a goal or task has been successfully completed.

 It’s the learned ‘crabs in a bucket’ phenomenon, and I’ve seen it so many times from family to those who I thought was a friend to those who I’ve only met through social media. Being a self-published author who isn’t signed or affiliated with any of the e-book publisher brands, I’ve always found it hard to be respected by my author peers who started at the bottom with me as well as make readers believe in my pen game enough to support my work. It weighed down so heavy on me until I almost decided to walk away from this industry and career altogether. It took several moments of reflection to regroup and realize that people don’t support when they feel threatened. I just couldn’t understand why the need to be threatened by anything that I create or stand behind. I settled with those fake smiles to come from those who hate me for whatever I’m doing that they’ve not been able to accomplish. According to the Urban Dictionary, a “hater” can be defined by:

• A person who feels anger and/or jealousy for someone who has succeeded in something they have worked hard for.

• A being that speaks badly, and/or takes negative actions in attempt to create problems for a successful person.

But why the need for hate when it’s easier to congratulate and support? Unfortunately, for some, hate is all they know. Being raised in environments that showcased no cohesion amongst the family is where a lot of this disconnect stems from. The black family isn’t bonded enough to be proud of their family member’s own successes, hence the quote “Your biggest support will come from people who you don’t know”. Nathalie Thompson asked “why would your family – the people whom, you’d think, should be the ones most likely to be in your corner, be so quick to shoot your dreams down?” It’s simple: it comes down to the fact that they stopped living for their dreams and seek “to prevent you from reaching your own dreams”.

For example, when LHHATL reality star, Bambi, started a hair line, LHHATL fans flocked to buy the same grade of hair from her yet when a cousin or best friend opened up an online hair boutique, these same ‘fans’ asked and begged for discounts or free items, often times not ever buying one item at full price. Or when I dropped my books and provided gifts to readers to provoke reviews, my efforts weren’t appreciated by the receivers of the gift, and reviews weren’t left nor were my books shared for others to read. The fear of rejection and the pain of seeing someone else close (friend or family) doing or achieving something when they had to give their own dreams up is causing people to hate your success from a distance yet smile in your face as if they’re happier than you are. It’s a very common form of hate, and in order to annihilate it, we’d have to reshape the minds of those who refuse to see your worth and congratulate your success.

The Huffington Post believes that “if you master generating genuine happiness for other people, not only will you find a cure for the envy, which can sabotage your success, but there are additional benefits as well. Those benefits include:

• Freedom from frustration and worry. When you see another person’s win as a loss for you, you pave the way for discouragement and resentment to set in. Instead allow other people’s success to ignite hope for the success coming in your time of harvest.

• More opportunities to be happy! Rejoicing with others creates an opportunity to multiply the good times you get to celebrate. By seizing every chance to sincerely congratulate others on their success, you are creating an atmosphere for others to be willing to celebrate your successes.

• Improved relationships with others. Healthy relationships involve sharing both ups and downs. People are more likely to respond positively to you if they sense that you’re truly happy for them.

• Good karma. You reap what you sow. Giving unselfishly creates a win for everybody.

 Now we know the benefits of being genuinely happy when someone other than yourself wins, but until you accept that you cannot win EVERY TIME and others will win every now and again, you’ll be stuck in your miserable state of mind, wishing for someone else’s downfall yet causing your own. Smile! If your best friend, cousin, sister, uncle, mother or father made it before you, trust that they’ll bring all of those who were genuinely happy with them in due time.

Love & Hip Hop Cast Members; Omarion and Apryl Calls It Quits 

  Defunct B2K member and Love and Hip Hop Hollywood cast member Omarion Grandberry announced via his Twitter account the breakup from longtime girlfriend and mother to his two children Apryl Jones. 

This is what he had to say :  

 
Apryl Jones also took to her own Twitter account tweeting: “Single…the end”. 

The couple have two children together; Megaa in 2014 (a son) and a brand new daughter A’mei in 2016, according to reports from VH1. 

Omarion, says he will continue a cordial and mature friendship with Jones, for the sake of their children. 

Christmas Time

By Jessica Daniel

As the holiday season arrives with Christmas next week, I cannot help but feel for many people who have lost loved ones during this time of the year. I have experienced it myself when I lost my dad. For many, the Christmas season can bring memories of sadness just thinking about no longer seeing your mom or your dad, your brother or your sister, or even a friend who has passed away. This season brings heaviness for a lot of people as we see others who are blessed to have their familes together under one roof. Some people don’t have families. Some people are homeless with no place to go or to eat.

For those of us who still have families in our lives, we need to love and cherish them, no matter if our families are dysfunctional or not, blood related or spiritually related. Family is a gift from God. We need to cherish the people in our lives while we still have them with us because you never know what could happen. Cherish each and every day that you have and thank God for each day that He blesses you with your loved ones. Forget all arguments and disagreements you may have had with family and open your heart to love and forgiveness towards one another because life is short.

As Christmas arrives next week, I want to encourage anyone who feels sad during this time of the year to look to Jesus for that peace and joy you never thought you would experience. For me, Jesus is my hope and He is the reason why I smile even through the pain and the stormy trials that I face. No matter what we are going through, no matter what or who we have lost, God is right there ready to restore and to comfort us. So allow Him to turn your sadness during the holidays or any day into a joy you thought you would never have.

Psalms 28:7, “The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusted in Him, and I am helped; therefore my heart greatly rejoices, and with my song I will praise Him.”