Caitlyn Jenner is Here and Ready to Play

Caitlyn posing for Vanity Fair shoot.
Caitlyn posing for Vanity Fair shoot.

It’s official now. Caitlyn is here and ready to play.

I was visiting family who had cable and my cousin was watching a TV special on Bruce Jenner. I watched the screen to find that Khloe and Kendall (I think) were upset about all this “Bruce is going to be gone” talk.

Under the impression that my cousin was a frequent watcher of the show, I asked her, “Why are they mad?”

“How would you feel if your dad came to you and wanted to be a woman?” she asked.

“Does it matter?” I reply.

“Yes it does. Would you be okay with it?”

“Yup. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“What would you call him? A he/she?”

“Nah, he’d pick one and I’d stick to that.”

“But he wouldn’t be your dad anymore and. . .”

I wondered if this was the kind of heat that Bruce faced. People were internalizing the issues and making about them. How would they feel. What they think about it. In process, they were neglecting Bruce’s feelings about his situation.

I still don’t understand how they could be upset with her for choosing to be who she is. In a world where everyone is too damn busy comparing themselves against impossible standards and what everyone else thinks, it nice to come across a seed that’s not about that life.

Maybe there’s something critical that I am missing from the story. I didn’t watch the whole special.

I don’t know much about the Kardashian-Jenner family. Not only am I not the person for obtaining information outside of Caitlyn but I also will not look it up on my own whim. Honestly, I didn’t know about them until this whole Bruce-Caitlyn thing started popping up. So to answer your question, yes, I do live under a rock. Rent’s cheap and I’m on a budget. Swing first.

I’m not making a big deal out of Caitlyn. She is free to be who she is. That’s great but its not Earth shattering information. People do this all the time. What is a big deal is that it’s a big deal. That person I know as this gender is now another one”, you think, “Gasp! The change!” Hate to take away from your ever-so glorifying shine but I have some bad news. It’s not about you or how you feel about that person’s decision. Need a tissue?

I look to find my cousin still rambling on. “That’s just wrong,” she says, “defying God’s work.” Oh, it’s God’s work you say? *Raises hand* I have a question. We live in God’s image, correct? Therefore, not only ourselves but our work and actions are in God’s image as well. So, tell me then Sherlock why would God create people who have created ways for people to do what Bruce did? Bruce made the decision to reveal Caitlyn and it is medically possible to do so. Religion has never been the best way to explain phenomena because it too is a phenomenon. Still, ideologically speaking, it ironically proves the opposite of defying God’s work.

Change is at the crossroads of new ideas and the hesitancy of accepting them. If change brought no friction whatsoever then there would be no change to begin with. Decades from now it’s going to be just like any other previously controverted issue. Back in the day, blacks and women weren’t allowed to vote in America. “Even still Those barbarians remain incompetent in the shadow of the white man!” they would say. What do we say now to those same “barbarians”? Welcome to the voting center. Your vote is important and equal to everyone else’s vote who votes here. People change all the time in all sorts of ways.

The mind is the steering wheel of the body. The mind operates a certain way and the body follows suit. For a woman to feel like a dude or vice versa is when the mind and body are not in sync. From there are two options: Force the mind to conform or let nature take its course. That is, let the body follow suit. I’m sure there some ignorant swines out there who think that Option A is prime-time. On paper, both can be valid options. In practice though it’s another story. With Option A the person gives in to societal demands at the expense of themselves. Man’s worst punishment is denial of self. In repressing the self, the self is lost. When the self is lost, so is man’s progress. When we don’t grow we aren’t just limited to yesterday. We are yesterday. Option B used to be a terrible idea because it was ineffective. There was only so much you can do within a human lifespan. A full transitional period and being able to witness it was far from likely. Modern medicine and ideas have turned the tables on this option. Now we can get more done in less time. Making Option B the better option since the self remains in tact.

What I don’t understand is why when Caitlyn manifests and takes on the world as her true self, everyone is losing their shit but when someone all of the sudden gets an ass and new eyelids with a matching set of elbows no one cares. Hell, we live in a world where you can get hair follicle implants. You read that right. We change because we change. That haircut isn’t suited for your new lifestyle. Stuff bags into our chest cavity so that we can have bigger boobies for no reason other than man-stealing. We can change damn near everything about our bodies. Does Dikembe Mutombo come out and cry, “No! No! No!” when we get to the erogenous zones?

Look here, Caitlyn is not the issue. She is doing what makes her happy and minding her business. The issue is that this and many articles, posts, panels, e-mails, text messages, voice mails, and codes exist. Take a step into the future, move along, and go about yours.

“19 Kids and Counting” star Josh Duggar Bites the Bullet in Molestation Charges

Josh Duggar, oldest child in the Duggar family of the “19 Kids and Counting” TV Show, apologizes to the public for his bad behavior as a teenager.

The Duggars are a family. No, big family. Big, big family with strict Christian ideals. They believe in putting fate in God’s hands in terms of reproduction and lifestyle.

Josh Duggar’s actions, however, were far from that of a devout Christian.

“Twelve years ago, as a young teenager I acted inexcusably for which I am extremely sorry and deeply regret. I hurt others, including my family and close friends,” Josh Duggar posted on Facebook, “I confessed this to my parents who took several steps to help me address the situation. We spoke with the authorities where I confessed my wrongdoing and my parents arranged for me and those affected by my actions to receive counseling.” Check out the Duggar Official Facebook page for more info about the Duggar’s comments on the situation.

The Duggar TV show has outlived many other television series since 2008. TLC has temporarily suspended the show due to all the bad press and reports. It is unclear as to whether or not the show will continue and the damage this will cause to the Duggar name. The Duggars had always sought to promote social causes and provide a family-unit role model for the American community. It brings to light a very dangerous question for the Duggars and for the American people: Where do we go from here?

Take a Dive: Going All-In on One’s Desires

Take a dive and go all-in.

I won’t lie to you. I’ve spent most of life playing it safe. Instead of taking my dreams and goals head on, I’d approach them indirectly. I’ve known for a long time now what I wanted to do with my life. It’s my dream, my calling if you will, to tell stories. My greatest wish is to share my imagination with the world through stories.

You’d think that within all this time that I’ve known, I would have progressed towards that profession in some way. Honestly, I haven’t done anything that is significant long term. Of anything, I have been going the opposite direction. This past week I’ve reflected on the matter and have come up with several reasons why I (and perhaps you) have not been successful in certain ventures.

  • You’re tripping off of what everyone else thinks.

Everyone has an opinion and everyone is entitled to it. That’s America for you. Yay first Amendment! With that said, everyone is going to have something to say no matter you do. No matter who you are people will let you know how they feel about you and your actions. Whether you fail or succeed, the Chatty Cathys and Talkative Toms will be there to spread the word. Therefore, as cliché it sounds, you’ve got to do what’s best for you. In simpler terms, like what Madea says, “It ain’t what people call you. It’s what you answer to.” Oh yes girl, I went there.

Take my approach to my education for example. Currently, I just got my A.A. in sociology. When people asked why I chose sociology for my major, I’d tell them, “Can’t make people laugh if I can’t understand them”. True but if I’m not directly applying the material that I’m learning, it’s just as useless. On paper being a sociology major was a great experience and opportunity to learn about people. Not only that but it also pleased the ‘rents if you catch my drift. In reality though, it was an was a way for me to play it safe instead of going directly after what I really wanted. It was a curtain for me to hide behind. Studying as a sociologist, I was able to learn facts and crack jokes with them every so often. It was somewhat close to what I wanted to do so I went along with it. After all, everyone would tell me that instead of being a storyteller and learning to perform, getting a legitimate degree in sociology would be better when being a storyteller doesn’t work out. I know now that this is incorrect. I can never be a storyteller if I’m too caught up in sociology. Just like a glass of water doesn’t pour itself. If I don’t put in the work to become a storyteller and instead put in the work as a sociologist. Odds are I’ll be a sociologist (and homeless. A little sociology major humor if you will.) Which leads me to another point. . .

  • You’re not prepared.

prepared

Get ready, stay ready. Skill doesn’t appear out of thin air. (Unless you’re playing Sims and use boolprops.) From the simplistic, repetitive ones to complex, applicable ones skills have to be developed. Were you born with the skill to make your own PB&J sandwich? No, you had to learn how to digest solid foods, appreciate the deliciousness of the PB&J, get other people to make it for you, watch them, and practice. Initially, you might make the mistake of using a knife for the jelly and a spoon for the peanut butter, you crazy animal you. Use too much jelly or not enough peanut butter. Both equally terrible sins in the sandwich making community. After a while, you get the hang of it. And when you get to be a professional like myself, it’s now like clockwork. You can even sprinkle some style over it if you wish. I like to use three pieces of bread when I make my sandwiches. You read that right. Sue me. Point is that you’ve got to be willing to put in the work and learn what’s necessary to level up to the next stage.

  • You’re too caught up in what was and/or what isn’t.

Rome was not built in a day and neither was the iPhone. Let us take a moment to fathom the amount of time that has passed in between the two events. Crazy, right? Imagine how people in Roman times would have reacted had they known the possibilities that were open to future generations because of the the decisions that they made on a daily basis. What would you have been like back in those times? Granted, you wouldn’t have the same opinions as you do now during that time. Thus, there has to be a reason why you were born in the time that you were. There’s a reason why you experience what you experience when you experience it. So you can take advantage of the current possibilities and reach your fullest potential. You are here now to experience now. Don’t let it pass you up. And don’t forget to laugh. Laughing gives +2 points towards happiness and success.

happy dance

Fashion Friday: Clothing versus Impressions

Is clothing important upon one’s first impression? Let us get them both in the ring and we’ll see which one wins.

Round 1: Defining Who You Are

Imagine you have a date with someone. The person in question tells you where to be and when. Excited, you rush to your closet to find a feasible outfit. You pull out damn near every top you own and place them on your bed. You mix and match them with your pants, skirts, and whatever. “No, that one’s too fancy. They’re not ready for that,” you say. You whip up another combination and try to imagine yourself walking to the location, where he/she will first lay their eyes upon you. Your date turns to face you and their brief smile turns into a confused look. The horror is more than enough to take you aback to reality. You take that outfit and throw it on the floor, “Definitely not that one!” you think, “I actually would like to have a second date. Thank you very much.” Hours fly by and you’re running about of time. You’ve gone through just about every possibility in your closet. You need something real. You need something spectacular and jaw-dropping. You want to walk into the room and have all eyes on you and with good reason. You have a burning need to make a good, no, great first impression.

However, in doing so you have managed to scatter all your clothes all over your bedroom and when you finally have the idea for such a ground-shattering ensemble, you have to play “Where’s Waldo” to find it. This makes you twenty minutes late for your date. You enter the room. All eyes are on you. All eyes are on you because you sprinted into the restaurant in hopes of your date still being there. You see them in back, checking their watch for what was probably the fourth time. In an effort to not look desperate or thirty you make a hard stop meters before you’re in range. “I don’t want them to see me all sweaty and nasty,” you think to yourself. Suddenly, you are on your back looking up at the ceiling. Why? Because in your effort to stop running you ran into a waiter who was holding soap bowls of all types of sauces of all the colors of the rainbow. Now, like you, he is on the ground on top of you. Not to mention that the soups, along with the laws of physics and gravity itself, have taken the liberty to paint themselves all over your outfit of magic. You pull yourself out from under the waiter and jump up. Your heart is racing from the sudden turmoil. Trying to calm yourself down, you take deep breaths and try to dust of the shame. “They didn’t see that,” you try to convince yourself, “They had to have been too far away to notice.” You feel calm and ready to make the most of your first impression. You turn to face your destiny and have met the eyes of your date. That was your first impression.

rav

I speak for all soup-lovers in attendance today when I say that first impressions have nothing to do with the clothes you were but the person behind the clothes. After all, the clothes themselves wouldn’t be there to begin with if it wasn’t for the person who bought them and are wearing them. That’s like blaming a bad five-course meal on the ingredients instead of the chef. The ingredients were just that. Ingredients just hanging out until the chef mixed them all together.

Results: Clothing-0, Impressions-1

first impression

Fashion Friday: Age of Androgyny

Upon pretending to be busy and checking my email, I came across Jaden Smith wearing a dress. If I know about it, odds are that you found out about it three weeks ago.

Rocking it way better than I on a good day.
Rocking it way better than I on a good day.

Still to make myself feel better, let’s pretend that you didn’t know until I told you about it.

“Wha-? Are you for real Destiny?”

Yes, it is certainly a fact as I have sources in high places. I’m like the Shadow Broker from the Mass Effect Universe. Nothing happens without me knowing and no one knows that I know, giving me the full advantage. Except you, I trust you enough with my secret. But you can’t tell anyone else. Pinky swear? Awesome.

Anyway, now Mr. Smith is blowing up as an “Ambassador for Gender Equality” and do you know what I have say about that? I say it’s about damn time.

I think we as Americans are ass-backwards. We run around all day trying to get things done the fastest way possible.We’re too caught up in the results to even put into action the steps to get there in the first place. This is why this social problem of gender equality is more tangled than a wash n go hairstyle that has been detangled in years. We’re quantified. We’re too concerned with what it’ll be like and how easier things will be when to B that we forget to that we have to get there from A. The phrase “It’s the little things that matter,” doesn’t just float around as a cheesy philosophy point. It carries weight. Little things turn into big thingy-things.

That’s a fact. Don’t believe me? Solve this problem: 1+1=?. Answer: 2. What’s 2+1? 3. Little things combine for big-picture concepts. If you’re still in disbelief, take it up with your math teach in grade school because you’re doing it wrong.

With that said we have to start small before we can be big. Fashion is a great place to start with for the goal of true gender equality. Of course things aren’t going to change overnight but that doesn’t mean that through fashion we can’t change at all.

Fashion is art. And art is the perfect weapon for eliminating this box-worth of stereotypes that are all over the place.

We as a society find it humorous when a male is in female clothing and become sketchy of the alternative. In fact, some people make a living out of it. Together we can make more of that. After all, laughter is in my opinion the best form of education. Let us join the new Ambassador for Gender Equality and learn something!

Female or male. Child or adult. Nothing's off limits.
Female or male. Child or adult. Nothing’s off limits.

Fashion Friday: The Revenge of the Prom Dress

Prom. It’s what every girl has dreamed of since she took her first steps on a high school campus. Planning for the magical event begins almost immediately. Any decision had the potential to put you on the map and give you bonus points in terms of hierarchy. In one night, you had the potential to go from invisible to everyone knowing your name—good or bad. Therefore, these decisions felt as if each had its own selection of life-long consequences. Everything from your earrings to your timing of arrival matters. Everything had to be perfect. One of the most important choices it seems (second only to getting your boyfriend to grow four inches so that when you take the portrait, you don’t have to break your spine to get down to his level in the heels that go perfectly with your dress) is the dress itself. Prom-goers say that the dress plays a critical role on the atmosphere of the one’s night. In the right dress, you can dance all night long and look even more pretty as people wait in line to compliment you. With the wrong dress, however, things may not go just as great.

Because I have reputation in staying clear of all trends that only call for one color scheme (I have a three color scheme minimum.) I figured that I’d keep you guys guessing, travel to the other side of the spectrum and observe some prom dress trends for the purposes of research. I was curious to know what these teen gal’s are doing for this uber special event nowadays. I’m sure there’s some scientific and mathematical way to go about it. However, in this day and age where people post everything on social media anyway, I don’t see the point of going past that. So, I did what any other girl with no presence on social media would do, I used someone else’s page. Despite my lack of social interaction-on and offline-in essentially all things relating to people my age, my brother is quite the social butterfly. That in itself fascinates me. How two siblings can grow up in the same household and be polar opposites I wonder? Anyway, that’s another topic for another time. The point is that I got to observe these high school girls in their natural habitat and I got the—uh, how do they say it? The scoop.

Ombre

Pretty blues
Pretty blues

Ah, ombre. I love it. It reminds me of an artist with the right amount of temper and inability to make a decision. “I’m going to pain the ocean,” he says, “I have to use all these blues. But which one do I use first?” Twenty-two seconds later, “Dammit! This one’s darker than the rest of them! I have to start all over now!” Then he smears the blues together in one fell swoop out of frustration instead of taking two days to gradually blend them together like any artist struggling with perfectionism and boredom would have done. And that children was how ombre was born.

Ombre is awesome because the possibilities and boundaries are limitless. Want to use more than one color? Wonderful. Want to make the transitions diagonal instead of horizontal? Even better. Ombre can easily be tailored to any specific event, taste, or idea. Ombre has many freedoms and freedom is something I could get behind.

Metallic

Caution: Stay clear of metal detectors at times.
Caution: Stay clear of metal detectors at all times.

Based on how much this generation is dependent on technology, it doesn’t surprise me at all that we have begun to take that inspiration to our fashion world. Inspiration is what you experience. Therefore, if you are experiencing texting your girlfriends every 2.3 seconds about Jeremy and the rest of your free time is spent staring at your phone waiting for Jeremy to text you back, it was only a matter of time before you adopted the color scheme of your Apple iPhone. Whether you’re doing it subconsciously or on purpose, I’m still going to talk about it because I find it interesting.

With that said, the verdict is in and so are metallic-looking fabrics and colors. Who wants to shine like a diamond when you could easily shine like a brand-new nickel. Silver is much more suited to my undertone than blinding-strangers-for-no-reason anyhow. Just add some smokey eyes and you too can be a life-size Samsung Galaxy!

Sequins (Pronounced see-quansss)

Making it rain from the bust to the waist. Sequins  add a twist of elegance to dress, I think so anyway.
Making it rain from the bust to the waist. Sequins add a twist of elegance to dress, I think so anyway.

Speaking of blinding strangers for no reason at all, sequins are making a come back also. If you ask me, I didn’t know that sequins ever went out of style. But then again, nobody ever asks me anyway. Maybe that was why I was never asked?

When I think of sequins, I think of baby disco balls. With nurturing love and care, they too can grow up big and strong to be those humongous disco balls in the movies. All I’m saying to the people who are going this route, treat them with care. Give those baby groovy angels the respect that they deserve and keep the hazardous behavior to a minimum. When’s the last time you met a four year old that wasn’t traumatized from being dragged into a place with loud music, tight space, and witnessed people basically having sex with clothes on, if that? If you have, that child is not a child but a grown man with Benjamin Button disease. You should have known something wasn’t right when he offered you candy from his van outback.

With these in mind, I hope that you don’t just follow these ongoing trends. Rather use them as a basis for discovering and defining your own personalstyle. To the gals out there scrambling to find the perfect dress that you think people would like to see you in, bump those people. Wear what you want to. If anyone else tells you otherwise, give me their address so I can TP their house. In all seriousness, like what I tell everyone whether you’re the mind behind Gucci or some random stranger waiting patiently to cross the street alongside me, fashion is freedom. Don’t just wear anything, wear you.

And don’t forget to have a fantastical prom! If you’ve already experienced prom, may there be a time machine in your future.

Vegetarian Myth Busters

vegetarian

I’ve been a vegetarian for about five years or so.

With only 3.2 percent of the American population actually following a vegetarian-based diet, it’s easy to associate one with a unicorn. There, I said it. So when people find out that I am a unicorn that eats no meat, I am not surprised when I gets asked a whole bunch of questions about it. Over the years, I’ve learned of some patterns among the questions that people ask and what they expect a vegetarian to be like.

  • I’m better than you because I’m a vegetarian.

Maybe I am better than you but it’s not because I’m a vegetarian. I don’t a lot of people who are vegetarians like me. In fact, I only know one and that’s one of my little brothers. Even though my sample size may be a bit small, I’m still willing to wager that there probably are some veggies out there who think this way but most don’t. Most are too busy going about their lives and could care less about you meat-eaters as much as your average Joe does for a stranger. You do you over there, and I’ll do me over here. If there is conflict between us, it most likely is for something other than you eat meat and I don’t.

  • Why you no meat?

We live in a world with many different cultures and people and ideas. There’s no way we can limit it to just one reason as many have different ones and maybe even more than one as to why they’re a vegetarian. Some may be doing it for health reasons. I am because I never really liked meat (besides ham) and I feel guilty eating anything with a face or rather doesn’t have one because of me. When people swat flies or spiders, I’m in the background crying out, “It has a family!” Also, the meat that I would have eaten can go to someone who does eat mean without the need to buy more or kill more animals. This may not be the case but it does make me feel better about myself.

nugget

  • But the protein, Destiny, however will you survive?

Being a vegetarian means that when people know that they will be concerned for your health, particularly your protein intake. What kind of protein do you get? How do you get it? Where does it come from? It is enough?  Does it take you out dancing? You’ll probably lose a lot of muscle and mass. I cannot speak for another people but my protein comes from leafy greens, lentils, and protein shakes. The plants that I eat come from the ground or are byproducts of specific trees. Protein shakes come from heaven but I think everyone knows that. I eat or drink it depending on whichever’s faster. I couldn’t tell you how much protein I try to get a day as I don’t aim for a specific amount. I do, however, make sure I consume some protein-dense foods throughout the day. I could tally those if you’d like specifics. As for the change of weight, maybe it happens to some people because they are just starting out they are eating less until they replace the loss with meatless options? I don’t know. All I can say is that in my case I gained weight. Go ahead and solve that mystery for me. Please and thank you.

  • What do you eat then?

Same foods that you eat except the meat. Beans, fruits, vegetables and everywhere in-between. Whenever I’m at my god mom’s house she always offers what she calls Rabbit Food. It’s just salad ingredients. It’s never stops being funny to me. Aww, she really does care.

  • Vegetarians Versus Meat

I’d imagine someone who was born a vegetarian and stayed that way probably doesn’t miss the sweet smell of bacon. Those who just hopped on the wagon, however, probably do whether or not they want to admit it. I do. I love bacon and hamburgers. They smell good and taste good. What’s not to like? There are times when my dad is making bacon and I come in the kitchen and think, “Man that smells divine! I’m hungry!” My reaction back in the day would be to steal one from the skillet when he wasn’t looking. Now my reaction is whip up my own vegetarian concoction.

People can be real sinister sometimes too. In my experience, it seems like that when people learn about your dietary choice, most will take it upon themselves to be your knight in shining armor and save you from this forsaken, meatless place you reside in. They want to be the one that got you to see the error of your ways. They want to be the one that turned you on to meat. They’ll eat meat right in front you making tasty-food noises and telling you how good it is. Some try to do it on the sly and feed you meat without your knowing. My aunt claims that she had made a dish with meat in it and I ate some of it. It was so good apparently that I even asked for seconds. I don’t know what it was or when it happened. She may indeed be bluffing anyway. The point is, new veggies watch your back. Don’t let your guard down! To this day, my mom still offers to make me a few hot dogs.

  • Vegetarians live longer.

The only legitimate source of evidence that I have found to prove this is that in Sims 3 my sims with the vegetarian trait did live longer than the ones who didn’t. (Granted, I killed off the ones who didn’t but that’s beside the point.) Since Sims is based off of real life, obviously this proves it. Do with that as you will.

  • Vegetarians just don’t eat meat.

There are different kinds of veggies. Subtypes range anywhere from they don’t eat meat or dairy to they don’t eat anything that would harm the plants. When you learn of these subtypes, you’ll understand when I simply say “I don’t eat meat.” I’m sure more information on the subject can be found on the internet if you’re interested. Not all of it is cat videos and people yelling, “World Star!” off-camera you know.

Whether you were born one or not, being a vegetarian is lifestyle choice that should be taken seriously considering the social implications that come with it. If you’re only looking to become one because it’s “in” or because a celebrity is doing it, you have no business doing it. That’s not a good enough reason to give up bacon anyway. Still, if you’re ready for a life a questions, being referred to as the “weird girl/dude who doesn’t eat meat”, and more than lifetime’s worth of jokes about it, then by all means, come join the Rabbit Food Club! We have carrots!

funny veggies comic

Fashion Friday: Are Multiple Colors and Patterns Tacky or a Statement?

Do more than taste the rainbow. . .Dress like it!
Do more than taste the rainbow. . .Dress like it!

I was chatting it up with my godmother a few weeks ago and she brought up an interesting notion about my clothing style. We were discussing the proper attire for going to interviews and being at the work place. She gave me many tips like wearing neutral colors and that you could only wear one pattern and everything else should be solid. Just the thought of that makes me feel heavy inside.

I’d wager that I am unaware of most style do’s and do not’s. The ones I do know I can count on one hand.

  • No plaid on plaid.
  • Umm…come back later maybe?

Outside of what my god mom told me, that’s all I got. Most of what she told me I don’t remember anyway. (Contrary to what most people believe, I am human.) With that said, I do wear plaid on plaid whenever I feel like it.

My clothing style wasn’t always what it is now. It has changed over time like I’m sure it has for many people as well. I started out with whatever my mom would put together as a child to whatever I thought she would have put together for me when I got older. From there it morphed into basketball shorts and a shirt that I may or may not have worn the day before. After all, when you play sports does it really matter since you’re going to get all the shirts sweaty and nasty anyway? On top of that, it was the easiest thing to assemble and there was little to no effort to put into it on my part. Fast forward to now and my current style can be described as many things. Some people have called it the byproduct of a rainbow and a WTF cloud. Others have described it as a cry for help. I prefer to think of it as a mindset. Every day when I wake up, I ask myself, “What day do I want to have?” Every day I have the same answer, “a colorful one.” I dress accordingly.

I used to hide away my yearning for color and dress like everyone else. I figured that giving them one less thing to tease me about would do me some good. Nope! That spot was filled with something else about in me in a millisecond. After that one day I woke up and it hit me, “Who are these people?”

I'm not saying I would wear this to a funeral but I would wear this.
I’m not saying I would wear this to a funeral but I would wear this.

Seriously, who are these people to tell me what I can and cannot wear and what is and isn’t in style? These restrictions are just basic observations of what everyone else is wearing. Since I’m not like everyone else I have no business dressing like them. Besides, these trends are changing every second Tuesday and Friday anyway. So what’s the big deal? Are the Fashion Police going to declare me guilty of first degree assault and battery of the color wheel?

For lack of a simpler way to describe it and since I name practically anything that I come across on a regular basis (Bessie, anyone?), of course I had to name my clothing style. Its name is IDGAF. Do you like it? It’s Latin for “Bump the Fashion Police!” I’m going to wear whatever colors that I what when I want. If I want to wear blue pants and red tartan top, guess what? I will. If a fashion policemen tells me that I cannot pair up a shirt with green and yellow polka dots with a blue and white striped skirt or whatever guess what? I will not because I want to not because I have to. I may abide the fashion rules every now and again since I am a rebel first which means that I have rebel against my rebellious style and switch things up. It won’t go past that. I’ll wear a tank top on top of a long sleeve shirt or tee because I’m a rebel like that. Who is that person of interest wearing a green plaid vest and plaid Michael Jackson pants? Oh, that’s me! Hi me! I’ll throw on all the colors of the rainbow so that way people can be in the presence of a rainbow that the can actually touch. I’m all about compassion here people.

I suppose this is when I ought to advocate the beginning of a new trend. A trend where you wear what you want when you want, yes? I will not be doing that. Trends are temporary. I say that we take on a new mindset or style. The IDGAF (pronounced i-dee-gaf) style is for all shapes and sizes. Wear what lets you feel great and be inspired. There are no boundaries besides dress like the day you want to have (if you can even call that a boundary). When the boundaries are endless, so are the possibilities.

Bump the Fashion Police!

The Game of Life: Level 1 Romance

I cannot believe that I am going here. Of all the places and things to write about. It pains me to discuss a topic as this. There is a saying that “home is where the heart is”. I don’t know who said that but in my experience that’s just a bunch of B.S.

Let me be clear. I’m not into romance. That lovey-dovey crap makes me want to leave the room ASAP. I don’t like roses unexpectedly arriving at places that I frequent along with notes containing poems you copied and pasted from the internet. Some people say, “Aw! How cute! He must really like you if he’s putting in all this effort to woo you!” I say, “What the hell am I supposed to do with these?” Oh nice of you to give me a chore for the next week. Now I have to take the flowers because if I don’t I’m drawing attention to myself as the “douchebag”. Then I have to take them home and water them every day because if don’t then every day the people who seen me with said flowers will lecture me on flower biology and social etiquette. If you see me watching a chick-flick, it is merely to incorporate modern popular culture into my comedic material. Some people are allergic to peanuts, I am allergic to romance.

Now it’s doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know where this is going. Irony seems to be the only thing I am good at these days. There is another human being. (By default, as it takes two to tango, right?) I’ve only known of him for a short time but in this about of time a lot of weird stuff has been happening. I don’t understand it, completely. All I know is that whenever he is around albeit physically or in my mind, I feel. . .different. I am not accustomed to this attachment.

Usually, I detest the awkward, limbo-like phrase. Being lost in my mind for reasons other than my own pleasure. So I skip it altogether. I am a very simple-minded young lady…er ah….female-like creature. Occasionally, I am fond of someone. It doesn’t go beyond physical attraction. I was under the impression that people are temporary. No sense getting to know someone and getting attached to them specifically. That person will be replaced by some just like them with a different face in due time. For this reason, I don’t get attached to people. At least, I didn’t. Whenever I felt attracted to someone, I let them know. I don’t play those kinds of games. Time spent beating around the bush is time that could be better spent playing WoW or Borderlands. I have many a XP to get and random dudes from various countries to snipe online. A simple “I like your face” to their face will have to do and it usually gets the job done. It means no more or no less. In fact, people often appreciate the originality. Makes them feel special. Either way, in my case it is done. There. Clean-cut. I am not concerned with whether they feel the same. As asshole-y it may seem, I could care less. “Then why tell them at all?” you say.

I tell them because as shallow as my fondness was, they were still feelings. These feelings were at the highest point in the spectrum of what emotions I was capable of at the time. If I was fond of someone, I was at the highest of my emotional capacity. I was sure that for the rest of my life nothing would go beyond that. I wanted to dwell on that. Perhaps if I apply the move enough then eventually I’ll have enough experience to level up. Besides, what did I really have to lose? The worst case is inevitable even in the best circumstances. They will leave. It’s only a matter of when and where. I have the track record to prove it.

With this particular human being, these feelings extend beyond that. I figured I had just leveled up and expanded my emotional capacity. Still, I took on the same methods and I confessed to this. Apparently it was neutral. After that I didn’t see much of him. Between school, work, and life projects, perhaps we both were just busy or we just made it that way so we didn’t have to deal with it. Regardless, I wasn’t considered with the how. It’s the what that worries me. Fast forwarding to the present and these feelings are still here. It is not my nature. I haven’t spent any time with him. He is essentially gone so it is irrational to feel this way. With that said, something is out of line. I have two options. One is to continue on with my system and take a blow to its accuracy. Or change the system. As time goes on it seems that a new system is in order. It is a new option. One that I had not considered until now.

My social recklessness has also been on the decline. Under normal circumstances, I do not hold anything back because people are temporary. If they don’t like it, they will leave. If they like it, they will leave anyway because of another reason. It is inevitable. They will be replaced. Whenever I interact with him, though, I am not reckless. I try to carefully consider other variables. I don’t want to hurt his feelings or impact him negatively without a good enough reason. I value him as a person, comrade, and potential lover. He is in essence irreplaceable and I will be very sad when he leaves. Often times I try to make people laugh because that is my only means of socialization. When I’m with him I’m just being myself and take pleasure in his company.

But I don’t see the point in making this known without a plan to put it in action. Sure, I have feelings but what do I want out of it? That’s like buying twenty-two paint cans and then figuring out what to do with them. It’s backwards. Plan to paint the house first and then buy the paint cans. I’m not saying that I want to marry the guy and run off into the sunset on a stallion or anything. It’s safe to say that neither of us want a relationship. I have a general sense of his reasons (The ole’ heartbreak can be a very effective force of negative reinforcement.) He does not know mine and perhaps that is unfair. I don’t know if thing is done. Maybe it is and I haven’t gotten around to that part or I’m in denial. It’s been months. I was positive that these…feelings would have blown over by now. Statistically, that’s what happens. But they haven’t changed.

I won’t bore you with additional details nor continue to spread this lovey-dovey crap all over your screen. That’s just rude. I only convey the bare minimum because my lack of experience in this matter leads me to this one question: Is this normal?

The Woes of Self-Motivation

Recently, I just finished up a project. Man, did I learn a lot about myself and people upon completing it. I know I am a better person for it. A better team player. But now I have taken on a new project, a solo one. And to be honest, it hasn’t been going anywhere so far. The paradigms are so askew and I feel lost. It seems as if either I missed that life lesson on the foundations of goal setting or there is a major conflict of interest in my personality and philosophy. When doing the group project, I held myself accountable and responsible for the tasks that were at hand. I had people depending on me to get the job done and I was not going to let them down. I would contribute beyond what was necessary to the collective effort to ensure success for my ensemble. Now, that I’m working alone I fear that I may not be motivated enough to finish this.

Throughout my life, I’ve always put other people before me. I would think of it as my duty, my calling of sorts. Giving up my needs and desires in place of someone else’s is something I do without blinking. Doing something for my benefit, however, brings me great guilt and doubt. I feel like I’m being selfish and don’t deserve it. Perhaps that is why this solo project is so good for me. Lately, these last few months I’ve been a been askew. Things have been changing so much that I can’t keep up. Usually, I’m all for change. For that reason, change was normal to me and I was accustomed to it. I moved a lot, was surrounded by different people and environments. I learned to survive in every one of them.

In this project, however, I am not obligated to finish it, If it doesn’t get completed, no one will care I’m sure except me. The only motivation and accountability comes from me, at least for now. Perhaps I should feed on the fact that humans are social creatures and tell people about it. Maybe that will motivate me to finish it because I wouldn’t want to leave them hanging and have that awkward “See What Had Happened Was….” conversation. I’ve had more than my fair share of awkward conversations and am probably due for more due to my nature.

Is this a sign that it was not meant to be or it is an obstacle? When traveling upon like I, I can’t tell the difference. I do know that if someone came to me in my position, I’d tell them it was an obstacle. That it can either be figured out as they went on or they could call a quits right now and be off with it. As much as this obstacle is the bane of existence, the thought of not completing this is unlivable. It has occupied my mind for years. So, I figure let’s do this and see what happens. If anything, there’d be more space in my head for even more crazier ideas. In theory, this is fantastic. In practice, well, you get this article.